At any given point there is music in my head. Like right now I'm on the edge of glory cause it's been a really really messed up week. Which makes no sense but there it is.
The music in my head isn't always the best, Gaga and Hot Chelle Rae are entertaining but hardly art, but it does help me think. Mostly. There are times when letting the bodies hit the floor is surprisingly helpful. Statistics? Sole reason I did so well is electronica, house/techno, and Powerman 5000. They kept me following the patterns and from thinking too hard about it all. Writing, though, I need it quiet. Or as quiet as possible. Rain is good for that. Falling rain.
Also it keeps me sane. Kinda? I mean, nine times out of ten I'm really not as angry or sad as I might look. I'm actually quite peaceful; my mind's just wandering and listening to the sound. That brief look of momentary panic when you ask me what's wrong or what I'm thinking? (did you even notice it?) That's me trying to find something, anything, to say so that I don't start humming Rimsky-Korsakov or singing at you. In Japanese. I have a huge crush on Asagi from D and his voice, oh his voice is to die for!
Music, sweet music. It's exhausting sometimes, though. I've had the same song running on repeat through my head all this time. Bleh. But it's better than the alternative.
I've had the rare moment when it all goes absolutely quiet. I don't like it.There's a difference between quiet and a complete and total absence of, well, everything. Anything. Nothing. It's just a void but one that's beyond black.
So I make my own music. Small and white, clean and bright. A song to fill the space and places I have forgotten.
I just wish I could remember it.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
I have nothing to read
I love to read. When I was in elementary through secondary all I did was read. Now that I'm an "adult," for all that's worth, I don't have time to read. I can't remember the last time I sat and actually read a book just for the hell of it. It's so bad that just reading a chapter or two at Barnes and Noble the other day (omg I HATE people that read books that they have no intention of buying and go and break the spine or bend the pages!) gave me such a feeling of peace and refreshment. Like water.
The internet is a boring place once you've visited everywhere you want to. A huge virtual world at my fingertips and I have no clue what to do. All I want is a book to read and mine are not here.
I remember a lady at a conference saying that books were outdated. Whatever lady. Don't come begging to me for information on fixing you because you can't access the web. Reading online is ok in small doses but there's something settling about a book. It's probably got to do with the refresh rate of the computer screen. Actually reading under fluorescent lights hurts me, too, but I've done it so long that I'm used to that sort of headache.
I am a terrible adult because I'm not gainfully employed. I work once a week for 8 hours on Sundays in a church nursery. I like the kids but the parents need a lot of work! I don't have children, but I want one very much. On the plus side, my husband and I are surrounded by so many examples of bad parenting that by the time we do have a child we'll be well prepared for what not to do. We can't help but be great parents. Seriously, some of the things I see and hear of other parents and children are just horrible and are just going to be trouble to break once the kid's a teen. I'd work more if I could, but I can't find a job that will hire me. Too over qualified for some and under for others. I don't frankly give a toss, just give me a chance and hire me!
What was I saying?
Books. My newest doll came with a book. Manual really. Ok more like a pretty brochure with more pages than a brochure ever had. I collect urethane resin ball jointed dolls made by small companies in Korea, China, and Japan. They're beautiful and they're not styled in a deliberate attempt to offend. Some people in the hobby are really strange and the things they do to those dolls...and then actually get all huffy and offended when people react as they do? Frankly, if I'm going to say that my male doll is a crossdresser and style him like a girl and people say "She's so pretty!" I'd take it as a compliment! None of my dolls are crossdressers or gay or bi or any of that. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with such, it's just not for me. I don't even really do characters for my dolls much; they get a name and a very brief/vague something to help me figure out how I want to dress them. They're just dolls and they're just pretty. Boys are boys, girls are girls, and never the twain shall cross.
My dolls are:
Adia...Iplehouse JID Girl Benny Special Edition Ebony skin (full set)
Josslyn....Bobobie March (chocolate skin)
Peyton and Natalie....Fairyland Littlefee Bisou boy and girl
Gabriel...Fairyland PukiPuki Cupid
Tinne....Soom Remaining Story Mylo
Kenneth....Iplehouse BID Elemental Guardian Efreet (Light Brown skin, fullset)
Christopher Robin.....Volks SDC Hansel (fullset -SDC boy body; he's on an msd body)
Kit...Volks SD girl Kun
Delight....Obitsu Alice head
I'll probably talk about all of them at some point. If you're terribly curious about what any of that means check out these sites:
Iplehouse (www.iplehouse.net)
Fairyland(www.dollfairyland.com)
Soom (www.dollsoom.com/eng/gem.html)
Bobobie (www.bobobie.com)
Volks (www.volksusa.com)
Have I mentioned that I ramble? Well, I do.
I still need a book!
The internet is a boring place once you've visited everywhere you want to. A huge virtual world at my fingertips and I have no clue what to do. All I want is a book to read and mine are not here.
I remember a lady at a conference saying that books were outdated. Whatever lady. Don't come begging to me for information on fixing you because you can't access the web. Reading online is ok in small doses but there's something settling about a book. It's probably got to do with the refresh rate of the computer screen. Actually reading under fluorescent lights hurts me, too, but I've done it so long that I'm used to that sort of headache.
I am a terrible adult because I'm not gainfully employed. I work once a week for 8 hours on Sundays in a church nursery. I like the kids but the parents need a lot of work! I don't have children, but I want one very much. On the plus side, my husband and I are surrounded by so many examples of bad parenting that by the time we do have a child we'll be well prepared for what not to do. We can't help but be great parents. Seriously, some of the things I see and hear of other parents and children are just horrible and are just going to be trouble to break once the kid's a teen. I'd work more if I could, but I can't find a job that will hire me. Too over qualified for some and under for others. I don't frankly give a toss, just give me a chance and hire me!
What was I saying?
Books. My newest doll came with a book. Manual really. Ok more like a pretty brochure with more pages than a brochure ever had. I collect urethane resin ball jointed dolls made by small companies in Korea, China, and Japan. They're beautiful and they're not styled in a deliberate attempt to offend. Some people in the hobby are really strange and the things they do to those dolls...and then actually get all huffy and offended when people react as they do? Frankly, if I'm going to say that my male doll is a crossdresser and style him like a girl and people say "She's so pretty!" I'd take it as a compliment! None of my dolls are crossdressers or gay or bi or any of that. Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with such, it's just not for me. I don't even really do characters for my dolls much; they get a name and a very brief/vague something to help me figure out how I want to dress them. They're just dolls and they're just pretty. Boys are boys, girls are girls, and never the twain shall cross.
My dolls are:
Adia...Iplehouse JID Girl Benny Special Edition Ebony skin (full set)
Josslyn....Bobobie March (chocolate skin)
Peyton and Natalie....Fairyland Littlefee Bisou boy and girl
Gabriel...Fairyland PukiPuki Cupid
Tinne....Soom Remaining Story Mylo
Kenneth....Iplehouse BID Elemental Guardian Efreet (Light Brown skin, fullset)
Christopher Robin.....Volks SDC Hansel (fullset -SDC boy body; he's on an msd body)
Kit...Volks SD girl Kun
Delight....Obitsu Alice head
I'll probably talk about all of them at some point. If you're terribly curious about what any of that means check out these sites:
Iplehouse (www.iplehouse.net)
Fairyland(www.dollfairyland.com)
Soom (www.dollsoom.com/eng/gem.html)
Bobobie (www.bobobie.com)
Volks (www.volksusa.com)
Have I mentioned that I ramble? Well, I do.
I still need a book!
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